WELCOME

My life has kind of spiraled off track the past couple months and there came a point where I didn’t know if I would make it, it was a point in which being dead seemed better then living. Then I had some words from a friend that smacked me hard she told me “IF YOU DON’T LIKE THE WAY YOUR LIFE IS GOING THEN CHANGE IT” now after a long though of this I began to tell myself maybe she’s right. Maybe I need a new outlook on life and a change that might just make it better. So I am setting out to change my life step-by-step and which is why I am writing this blog not only so that all the people whom I love and care about may follow along with me on my journey but maybe cuz someone out there is in the same predicament as me, if not worst off and might find my journey inspirational and help them make a change also. I thank you to everyone who reads my blog and May God bless you for all eternity.

LIFE

LIFE

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Changing My Life Physically

As everyone knows I'm a chubster always have been and its brought down my self esteem so much that I cant even stand to look at myself in the mirror. After years of emotional abuse by my ex husband,I suffer from thinking that I am not pretty and that all I will ever be is that ugly, fat bitch he used to call me and even though we have been separated for 5+ years his hateful, ugly words still have a hold on my self esteem and I need to break that hold in order to move on. Which is why I am writing this letter to him, I know he may never read it but at least I know that I have finally gotten it off my chest.

Dear Jose,
When we met I thought life would be great, I met u when I was 16 and the only good things you ever gave me were my 2 beautiful daughters. I have lived in the shadow of your hateful words for too long and now it is time for me to speak my mind and move on. I hate you for the things you did to me and the way you treated me. You made sure the words you said to me would diminish half my life in not finding happiness and you are a cruel and evil person for the things you did to me but I forgive you for them because this hate I carry for you in my heart is only keeping me down. I hope someday you will be able to look back and notice the damage you have caused on a once great girl and although I may forgive you I pray that God might have the same mercy on you when the time comes.


this entry is done now that I can move on lets talk exercise tomorrow
MUCH LOVE
MARIA
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